Thoughts of a Sprite

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Truth be told

Link: Friday vs. Monday

Today is a busy busy day! We are preparing for the awards ceremony.

Yesterday, I felt completely betrayed by someone I am supposed to be really close to. I know her better than she knows herself, I have been there to pick up the pieces, and she has picked up mine. I don't know what would make her think she needed to lie to me. All of the stuff that we have been through together, I have never judged her, never looked down on her, I only tried to be there for her.

I hate it when people lie. Do they not understand that lying only hurts people more? Especially if you are close enough to the person to know they are lying. Deception~ It hurts. Over something so completely irrelevant, something so miniscule that it would not have mattered if she had told the truth.

Alcoholism also hurts. I thought perhaps distance would ease things off a bit, but it has not. I honestly do not understand what could be so hard about life, that you have to drown it all away. Why you have to spend even happy times with that numbing effect, that shroud of haze surrounding you? Does she forget, that I was there too, and that I was the one on the brunt end? Maybe it is guilt on her part, but if I can move past it, shouldn't she be able to?

Eh~ I rant, sorry... I want to understand people, why they behave the way that they do. Cubical revereand mentioned dreams today in his post. I am following my dream. I will be a forensic psychologist, and I will work for a sex crimes unit, so that I can help children and women who have been in my situation. I will catch the bad guys, and help see justice through, I will help victims cope, so that they do not turn to alcohol or drugs. I will do my part.

I will also be a good mother. I am slow getting this dream started. Another reason that I am taking psychology is so that perhaps I can understand my fears and my own behaviors and defense mechanims. Rule Number one in psychology, never psychoanalyze yourself... too late... lol! I want my children to have a childhood, full of love, security, learning, hope, dreams, fairy tales, make believe, cartoons and so much more. I want to be one of those mom's who never misses a game day, or a class room party, but at the same time, I do not want to be on of those over zealous mom's. Just cool enough that my children know that they can come to me for anything, and I will be there. And a good wife, I want the kind of relationship between my husband and I to be a partnership, not just a marriage on paper. I want to be his best friend, and he mine. I want to know I can lean on him and he will be there to catch me when I fall, and he should know that I am the same for him. I am tired of being an independant cuss, but I just don't know how to let go of that. Same old battle, but perhaps I am finally making some headway.

Anyhow, sorry to unload ~

Thought for the day: A journey of a thousand miles, must begin with a single step. ~Chinese Proverb

Factoid: This one is for RUTH! Dachshunds were originally bred in 1600 to hunt dachs, which is German for badgers.

Espanol: Rojo = red azul = blue verde= green amarillo = yellow rosado= pink gris = grey

we went over colors today, can you tell?

shes_a_sprite @ 10:15 AM.

2 comments

Oprayearth said...

Oh yes, the never ending mystery of the human behavior and mind.People are just people, they can't be anything else and thats just too bad.

9:54 PM

Unknown said...

SOrry to hear about your friend lying, maybe she was so ashamed or something, not that i'm excusing it.
I hope no one is resorting to alchohol, I have seen terrible things happen to people as a result, for some reason I was surrounded by it from when I was little and saw so many changes in people that I can't get their faces out of my head sometimes.
The job goal that you are working towards is so important, you will be able to help countless people and at the same time help the justice system.
YOur dreams of being a mother and wife are beautiful, I can't wait to see you acchieve all that. :)

5:36 PM